Wednesday, December 31, 2014

48. / The last page

This would be a long post compare to the other posts cause I'm here to summarize my twenty fourteen.

I'm a bit lazy to type long post and got no time for it and I post whatever comes on my mind so it's short and I'm trying to write prose? And no one is reading so ya. 

Alright, if you read my previous post, you knew that I got dengue once and for the first time and it's on a Chinese New Year. Here I'm to talk about all the bad stuff in the year twenty fourteen so yeah. That's the first bad things happen to me. It's okay i had dengue but just why it happened to me on a new year? Luckily we can't celebrate cny this year but no fun and bad sign mah. I just summarize it so if you want know what's going on then go to the blog post. 

Then come to the dead day for me- SPM results day. I don't know what happened to me and I just don't know. I got the worst-result-ever in my life - - I work hard for it and I plan everything earlier and I follow my time and study and in the end I get that shitty results that I didn't expect like wth. There goes a post about this but not going to mention cause I didn't really post out the main thing. I actually cry lol. 

Alright, then I got National Service like why I am so lucky this year, dengue then this and that. Okay, anyway NS is not a bad thing tho, but the first day I thought I was strong enough not to cry but I actually do you know, I only cry in the bus secretly I guess my dad knew about it. And that time a girl that's the first friend I met and she ask me not to cry and I cry even harder lol. But luciky I met few friends there and close enough to talk nonsense and they are the only one who knew I have a bf like not anymore ha-ha. And I actually came out from ns earlier cause going to continue my studies like I wish at that moment. I actually regret coming out early as staying in there is awesome that you don't have to worried about anything like you're in a holiday, a-controlled-holiday. It's not that bad tho, your schedule maintaining and I think I have a healthier life when I'm there. And no-phone-day is awesome for now, and I'm controlling myself not to open facebook and I did it but not this few days cause I'm too much on facebook this few days. 

Okay then, actually the weeks after I continue my studies I actually thoughts of changing course and now I still do. I just hate it I don't know what's the reason and I'm so blank that I don't know what I want but my mind was thinking some course what I don't know I just feel like giving up in studies which is impossible in my family. So there's a post about dream and there it goes. Not going to talk much about this cause it's super duper annoying and I hate it.
Then, this WAS the saddest moment in year twenty fourteen cause I got dump like so sad. Ha-ha-ha. But okay, maybe I don't care anymore but when I say I don't care I still care and so that's the problem. And if I cry again I cry for not holding hands you know. Now I am. You know that feeling when someone so close to you like super close to you and all of sudden that person dump you and you not even in the friend list of the person anymore, not anymore you know, that kind of feeling. I got stuck from the day onwards. And then say "I'll be there for you" all the bull shit stuff. How I am going to trust you again like I got dump by you. Cause I can't even see you when I need you, just as friend you know, but you don't. I'm going to be cruel, super cruel that you can't even believe. One thing I don't know why all the couple out there can last so long like my batch like non of them separate (not to use that words so it won't be obvious lol) are they meant to be together or not the day yet, I'm not cursing them I just wondering how they did it. You know all of them really really sweet. Instagram and twitter can know more things.

// Attempting to convince yourself that you don't care about someone is a clear indicator that you really do. //

After that, I think overall that's it. I can't remember any bad things happened, but on my mind like there's something but I just don't remember. Lol so me. I'm not going to tell any goods or it doesn't happen to me this year so ya.

Ohh, and there I allergic, omg the whole body was so itchy that you feel like cutting of your skin peel of everything. Then I thought I got 風膜 but it doesn't get better after I apply calazite lotion (hydrocortisone) and rice vinegar with ginger cause last time when I was 12 I once had but after I applied the rice vinegar with ginger it gets better but not this time. So the next day went to the doctor and he said I allergic to something - - but I don't know, he said allergic can be in many ways like foods, weather, chemicals like detergents, and fabrics. But I didn't go for further check up cause it would be suffering he said. I think I'm allergic to the weather - - cause I feel itchy when suddenly comes to hot. 

But I would like to stay on December 2014 cause it's a productive month I went traveling to few places. I just love traveling to anywhere anytime especially sitting in the car look through the window and you'll see the nature. Not going to post where did I went although I wanted to do so. But at least at the year end I know what happiness is, little happiness is more than enough.

Looking forward to Twenty Fifteen and the first of January cause it is a big-big day for me and my family. And then August, and December. If can I would like to skip the other nine months lolol. 

And one thing, the few Malaysia planes were gone. Sigh. And this year I heard a lot of bad news extremely bad news you know. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

// many things left unsaid. - Jane. //

- Chapter 12 of 12

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

47. / Midnight

A photo taken by me // iPhone 5S

Midnight talk //

With my not-so-trusted friend

It's awesome 

Sharing not-a-secret secret

A post by him //

He posted a photo 

Which not for me 

Anymore 

But he cried for her 

Maybe 

He sacrifice a lot for the girl 

He might not know

But I can see the way he do

Me maybe  

- midnight city 

Thursday, December 25, 2014

46. / Again meet

從來 沒有人 這麼的不捨得我

他 求我留下

那幅依依不捨的樣子

我也有點 不捨得

他哭了 也難過

// 我們 再見 




Wednesday, December 24, 2014

45. / Eve

Weird :/

(Tied-up my hair) 

"Why do you tie up your hair?"
"Put down your hair is nicer."
(Happy-smiley face) that you can't imagine. 

"Then should I put down my hair?"

"Okay."
"Like that only nicer better."
(That happy smiley face you can't imagine again)

H E A R T M E L T 

- Merry Christmas EVE

Sunday, December 21, 2014

44. / Bookshop


    

突然的 喜歡在書局裡 徘徊 

那種感覺 沒有煩惱

在很多書裡 隨手一翻 

抽了一本 很吸引你的書

翻 讀 幾面

又得到了一些 知識 人生道理

又再走走 看看

重複的 徘徊 翻翻 讀讀

要什麼有什麼

就這樣 喜歡 

- 然後就這樣的 忘了 //

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

43. / Do you love me



"那時候的你 

自己有沒有喜歡我 

你自己心裡最明白 

不必為自己找藉口 

說我已經不喜歡你 

你才是那個不喜歡我的人 

因為你已經愛上第二個人了 

我知道

I know you're not into me anymore

Don't give me a reason that I'm not into you anymore

If I don't

I won't be doing all this for you"

- I'm not the only one //

Saturday, December 13, 2014

42. / Heaven


如果有一天

我再也醒不來

再也回不到這個世界 的時候

那你要永遠記得


曾經 很愛很愛你

- 另一個天堂

Friday, December 12, 2014

41. / Dream


 夢 • 想

曾经 有过很多梦想
太多的梦想
而变成 不知道那一个才是最真实的
不知道那一个才是最适合自己的
太多的梦想 造成 太多的困扰
或许梦想只有一个 而其余的都只是一时的兴趣
太多时候都只是在发白日梦 那只是你一时想要的 却不是你的梦想
那只是你一时的冲动 想要
夢想 你有吗

 //

记得 从小就把  会计师 挂在嘴边

到了中学 才慢慢的更了解一些

直到高中毕业就很理智的选了那科

开始 上网看 那些作品

还想 可以怎么改造 让它更好

现在读了自己选的那科

那些感觉都不在了

开始觉得讨厌 连看都不想看

一直想换课程

//

问自己 “那你要换那一科”

想了又想 不知道要换什么

摄影 媒体

就这两样 反复的想了又想

甚至 有时问起自己的时候

心里 突然一阵痛

因为害怕 真的没有主意

还想着 干脆去摄影棚打工

感觉没有文凭 好像都白费

每天 都在问自己一次

可是一次又一次的带过

 //

选了这科 我没什么把握

他们都说我 没有创意

我也不知道 糊里糊涂的

每次祈祷上天能够让我自己发现 我到底喜欢什么

什么才是最适合我

不知道是为了 一个常挂在嘴边的 ‘梦想’

还是为了早退当兵

还是因为一个人而放弃所有

不知道


// 一个常挂在嘴边的 “夢 • 想”

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

40. / Heart-hurt







因為 放不下


也因為 過不了自己的那一關


心裡那道門還打不開


- 那種痛 你不會明白 //